Co-Parenting vs. Primary Custody

Round 1: Which one sounds more stable to you?

Court’s Stability: Five-year-old Bobby’s Mother is awarded primary physical custody. The judge in the case decides to enforce the generic de facto parenting plan. So, Bobby gets to see his dad on the 1st and 3rd weekend of every month from Friday evening to Sunday evening. That totals about 5 days. Bobby gets comfortable at his Mother’s. He has a routine, neighborhood friends, and his own room and toys that are familiar to him. Then, once every two weeks, he is removed from that routine and sent to Dad’s house.

Co-Parenting Stability: Five-year-old Bobby’s Mother and Father agree that co-parenting will be best for Bobby. The judge agrees. The parenting plan that is drafted has Bobby with his Mother every Monday and Tuesday and every other weekend (weekends being Thursday through Sunday evening). Dad has Bobby every Wednesday, Thursday, and every other weekend. Bobby has a familiar space at both parent’s homes. He has neighborhood friends at both places. He has a routine. There is not awkwardness in moving between each of his homes because it happens more frequently and consistently. Both parents have more time to focus on raising Bobby rather than trying to compete for his affection.

Which sounds more stable to you? Speaking from experience, when a child has to go a significant period of time without change (say two weeks) and is then expected to switch gears completely there is a lot more added stress and anxiety. When it is a consistent, natural part of their life, then it is simply normal.