Your family’s physical environment will go through a transformation via divorce and so won’t your family’s emotional state. Many children of divorce will test these new emotional boundaries in many ways because of feelings of confusion and the need for control. Parents should not overlook the importance of raising the bar for their children.
Children in today’s world are inundated with unprecedented immorality, anti-family and parent messages where dysfunction is all too often considered a normalcy. From myspace to cell phones to media and more, parents must choose who and what shapes our children’s lives especially for children of divorce who are emotionally vulnerable.
Communication
Communication is the glue that will hold your relationships together, and it is also a valuable skill that you will teach your children. Communication is healthy, and lends to understanding. When people do not communicate, emotions are often released in destructive methods such as conflict, outbursts, violence, displaced aggression, and even dangerous habits such as alcohol and drugs. Through practicing constructive communication you are teaching respect for others, conflict resolution, how to compromise, and more. Practicing open communication with your children where they can freely discuss fears, confusion, questions, anger, and more will give your children a tool that will help them build a healthy life. It is also vital to your children’s best interest that you develop a non-conflict communication method with your co-parent for issues regarding the children. Whether phone calls, emails, letters, or more, it is important to communicate directly with each other on such issues. Mediation services provide a forum for high-conflict parents to communicate and resolve issues, a practice effectively resulting in the children’s best interest.
Discipline
It is the duty of a parent to teach their children to accept responsibility for their decisions. All too often, parents of divorce feel guilty maintaining the same standards they held in the pre-divorce home. The word “discipline” comes from the word “disciple,” which means “to teach.” When our children learn from their mistakes, parents are on the right track of giving our children the tools necessary for building a healthy and successful life. Children of divorce often push new boundaries, such as acting out and being grounded at one home and thinking that as soon as they get to their other home the grounding is out the window. This is a very destructive behavior that is not in the child’s best interest, but rather rewards manipulation, disrespect, and unhealthy patterns for life skills.
Consistency is crucial for parenting children of divorce, and that includes maintaining the household rules and expectations in both households. Holding children accountable for their choices and actions raises the bar for your children to develop essential real-world skills.
Keys to Opportunity & Success
Parents are instrumental in raising the bar of expectations and assisting their children in building a successful life. The keys to opportunity and success for your children are found through education and a successful career path. Many parents dealing with divorce are navigating their own path as they rebuild their family and may not be able to directly provide these keys, resulting in limited options for children of divorce.
